Deja Vu

I came across someone else's blog site and the adoptive parent is currently in Vietnam: http://beachsidepad.blogspot.com/2007/12/orphanage-sidenote.html. They mentioned on their blog that they were disappointed with the short visit at Tam Binh orphanage when they picked up their son. I posted a comment saying that I could relate to their feelings. I still feel regretful that we received the same treatment back in July when we picked up Ava. We did not get the option to tour the orphanage as well.

It all goes back to me being an adoptee from Vietnam. For months I had been looking forward to seeing where my daughter had lived for the past five mths and who had been holding her and caring for her. When we were told we weren't going to get to see the children or the orphanage, my heart just broke. Of course we didn't even raise an eyebrow or question the orphanage director because we didn't want to jeopardize anything! Even though we plan to revisit Ava's orphanage one of these days, it just won't be the same. Who's to say the same caretakers will still be there? I will always wonder what it was like for Ava, just like I sometime wonder what it was like fore me when I was in an orphanage. At least my Father had orphanage stories to share with me. I have nothing to give Ava. I know it's silly but I can't help what I feel and reading someone else's blog just reminded me of those feelings.