Adoption Thoughts

June and I had several conversations about people's comments to adoptive parents. I've heard and read some of the people's comments they give to parents when they realize their child is adopted. But the one that beats it all is one when someone said to June "how much did she cost?" Why do people feel compelled to relate to adoptive parents when they haven't a clue what it's like to be a human being? The first question someone asks is "oh, is she/he adopted?" The second thing they as is "where did he/she come from?" Like does that really matter? The last of course is the "how much did it cost?" I know people have good intentions or are truly interested in adoption. But there is thing as tactfulness and manners. They don't realize how an adoptive parent is going to interpret that comment and it isn't positive.

June and I have discussed our adoptions. We both know that I will never be asked if Ava is adopted. In fact, the first week we were home, Michael went to our neighborhood grocery store and the cashier noticed Sebastian and Ava. The woman told Michael that she didn't know his wife had a baby. It's too funny that the cashiers know us as "regulars" and they know who we are. But I didn't know that they really noticed us. Same deal with Sebastian's summer camp. I'll run into teachers and parents in the hallway when I drop Sebastian off. They will see Ava and ask me how old she is and that's all.

I wish I knew what June and other adoptive parents were going through since I will never be treated the same way and looked at the same way. I can only imagine. But deep down inside, I really do know what it's like to be an adoptive parent. I too have the same hopes and fears like all the adoptive parents. I wonder what our daughter is thinking about her life, what she thinks about us, when will she really attach to us, when will she not be so insecure anymore, will the insecurities ever go away, what will she experience growing up being a minority? I mean if she were still in Vietnam, she would not have been a minority. But she would have been impoverished. Like all adoptive parents, we love our children no matter what. We have the same attachment and development issues with our child like other adoptive parents do. I may look like Ava's mother physically, but we still have to learn about each other.